I Refused To Buy All New Bras [Or, The Catalyst]

Almost two months ago, I decided to make some life adjustments with the hopeful [read: skeptical and anxiety inducing] intent to shed some poundage. And on this blessèd day, I vowed to get my Carrie Bradshaw/Bridget Jones hybrid persona on and write about my first milestone: the mourning of 20 pounds. Well, here it is folks: Me, 20 actual pounds down from the first day I began my new life.

Ta-Da!

I have been looking forward to writing this post partially because I knew I would write it as a fitter, trimmer me, and partially because it has been looming on my Blog Topics To Write list and I do enjoy a good red-pen cross out session, complete with victory dance and relevant musical selection [Today's Choice: Part of Me by Katy Perry].

I have always been a broad [albeit well-proportioned] gal and my consistently sunny personality has never quite been tied to my dress size. So when I began this [ever-evolving] journey, I spent the first few exercise and veggie-filled weeks trying to envision what I would look like. Now that I am on the other side, I do not feel the contentment I imagined would await me; instead, there is a veritable hunger [ironically] for more. I recognize I am just beginning to form the habits that will keep me healthy for the rest of my life and that is what makes me most excited and inspires me to take on the next leg of my weight loss marathon. I would like to make it clear that 20 pounds ago, I did not like myself any less and I will not love myself any more 20 pounds from today. I have, however, discovered a certain pride that comes with keeping myself accountable. As a burgeoning blogger, I find moments in each day to add to my never-ending list of potential topics. However, it is a consistent internal battle when coming to the conclusion of how much of myself I am willing to share. No one wants to read a blog about privileged moments stocked with bunnies and rainbows, yet, exposing insecurities and emotional hardships can seem just as unappealing when it is your life projected across the screen. So it was necessary for me to make a decision: No matter how vulnerable I may feel, write it. Luckily, the inevitable sense of dread occurs for about as long as it takes to hit the SUBMIT button.

...and then there I am, out in the open.

This is the post I promised myself I would write. I wanted to take the mystery away and prove that weight loss is not some magician's trick others have been able to master. I wanted to do real push-ups. I wanted to fit better in my clothes. I wanted to buy new clothes. But I would be damned if my own body would force me to render my cute bras obsolete...the road to healthy living and weight loss begins differently for each individual.

As a writer, the ability to create a precise and well-developed character [from nothing] has haunted every blank page I cross. And for this creator, there is a me in my head that has yet to grace the scene.

Stay tuned,

~carter