Acrylic Nails, Boxing, & The Unwitting Quest For Something Real

I had a goal: Become Smaller. Minimize. Take up less space. Turn inward on myself and realize I do not need all of this weight to, in fact, live.

But somewhere between the loss of pound 1 and the closer side of pound 30, I recognized that my world had been enhanced. Made fuller...more rounded and the only thing to become less has been my pants size.

Shameless Smaller Pants Size Plug

As the only woman in the boxing gym, my painted toe nails [we don't wear shoes on the mat],un-chiseled physique, [and let's be honest] breasts, stood out like well..breasts in an all male boxing gym. I had heard boxing was an excellent total body conditioning workout and while Females Welcome At Every Session flashed across their webpage, the raw and Million Dollar Baby-ish atmosphere clearly deterred the average lass. Let us be clear that I am in no way switching careers to become Laila Ali, Jr., I simply wanted to try something new.

Now, I won't come right out and scream Chauvinist or Sexist at the evident surprise on the men's faces as I kept up the combinations with them, hit the heavy bag with them and "planked" them under the table...hell, I was surprised too. But I will say when I heard the words "I didn't expect you to be good" I knew I had to come back and get better.

Weight loss is about getting smaller, right? Becoming more demure, inward, less...We females do it to become a more "girlish" weight, to fit in smaller sizes, thus widening the gap between femininity and masculinity, no? Along with these fallacies, I was under the impression that weight loss would let my natural beauty shine more fully.

What an idiot.

Natural beauty is there all along. How you perceive it, however, is entirely psychological.

After my first session, I went to the nail salon to have my acrylic nails removed, thus exposing my natural nails for the first time in eons. Aside from the practicality of short nails in boxing gloves, I wanted to take a small, tangible step in the direction towards natural beauty.

It starts from within...way in...like cerebellum deep.

Once I stopped identifying long nails with beauty, just as I stopped identifying boxing with brutishness, I discovered my own definitions of "beauty" and "femininity".

Femininity is synonymous with strength. Beauty is the ability to work in the sweltering heat, pass another human through your body and return to work because "maternity leave" wasn't invented for your color yet. Beauty is recognizing that when there is something you want to alter, you have the ability to accomplish it, because to be "girly" is to understand the world is yours for the taking.

Whatever your goal that has been collecting dust on that shelf you only think of when riddled with guilt, If you think you can not accomplish it...think again.

For me, it's cheers to the next 30 pounds, and the unintended, unwitting yet invaluable life lessons I have yet to dream up.

Keep moving,

~carter