The greatest creative writing gurus will tell you to “write
what you know”. Fair point, gurus.
…and at this thrilling juncture in my life, all I know is
how excited I am to get home from work or the gym to return to the couch and
snuggle up with my selfless lover, Netflix. With this incredible gift that
keeps on giving, I am simultaneously on Season 3 of The Tudors and Season 5 of House,
M.D.
Needless to say, life is good.
Each day, you can find me in either 16th century
Europe or modern day Princeton, NJ, watching complete strangers meander through
the chambers of great castles or through the hallways of Princeton-Plainsboro
Teaching Hospital [additionally, if you willingly or unwillingly spill any of
the beans from the next three seasons of House, sleep with one eye open].
Sure, I can tell you that when your eyes are yellowing that
your liver is failing and 9 times out of 10 your “mystery” disease just might
be sarcoidosis (if not lupus) and you will probably need an echo [echocardiogram], CT, or biopsy to determine what we [yes, WE, the doctors at Princeton
Plainsboro] already know…but what do I tell the Creative Writing Gurus when
they ask me what I actually know? I’m not a
doctor (even though my mother played one on tv) so what authority do I have to
write about dear Gregory’s logic when arguing with Wilson? None. And herein
lies the inherent beauty (and ultimate horror) of the life of a binge-watcher:
faux knowledge and experiences masquerading as actual knowledge and
experiences.
Binge-watch an entire season of True Blood? Come out on the other end thinking and speaking in a
Southern accent for days
Mad Men? Develop a
sudden urge to alter your entire wardrobe and become a functioning alcoholic
Game of Thrones? Similar
results as Mad Men with the addition
of swords, poisons, royalty and the occasional Man of the Night’s Watch
Which got me thinking, after waking up from an inevitable boredom-induced
coma, if someone were to binge-watch my life, what faux knowledge and
experiences would keep them coming back season after season?
-c
